In Difference

A solar halo above Lower Post, BC. Home to the community of Daylu Dena Council, and the historical site of the Lower Post Residential School.

One evening during the Fall of 2017, a group of Red Cross staff, volunteers, and support personnel sat together in a large circle. They were debriefing, disclosing difficult reflections within an eerily empty reception center. The site of general chaos and noise only a few hours ago, the location – a quarter of a mall under renovation temporarily repurposed into a hall for evacuee support – held a taunting peace.

The group was not, however, discussing the fires. They were not talking about their empathy bandwidth (the constant strain of taking on the evacuees’ trauma), or the stress of managing the response, or even their fatigue after another long day with little rest. In fact, the workday had been a shorter one. It had ended early to allow everyone to participate in a mental health workshop. One after another, each person held a talking stick, answering open prompts on personal or professional pain points. In each other and through this exercise, they found some strength, validation, and motivation.

One individual told the story of how she had doubted herself constantly. How, despite her proven capability and resilience, she struggled with truly believing in herself. How she felt that everyone who held her up was doing twice the work. How she felt inadequate. A surprising revelation to most of us as she was our go-to for some of the toughest cases; a knowledgeable, calm presence who was able to make the appropriate connections and decisions without hesitation. Compassion personified.

The underlying reason for these undying feelings of insufficiency, she understood, were intergenerational trauma. She had barely escaped the residential school system in her youth. Her mother had already lost a child to the system when the RCMP knocked at her door for a second time. Mom hid her away and told the police there was no one to surrender. They searched the home, failed to find any minors, and left. As a result, she was able to grow up free from the traumas of residential schools, unlike her parents. Unfortunately, she continued to carry some of the insecurities and fears that her family held – about themselves, institutions, and their communities.